This week has just been filled with blog fodder.
I was just about to take my morning shower when I spotted EMTs heading down the walkway, six of ‘em.
Seeing them turn into the entryway to where Karen lives in the bottom unit, the Talker upstairs, I naturally assumed Karen was at it again, but then I saw Talker come into view.
Asking if everything was okay, she said it was her brother. He was having a temper tantrum — slamming doors, got violent.
I don’t know what actually is wrong with her brother, whether he was born the way he is or had an accident. I’ve never asked, would never ask, but his condition is that of being a full-grown man, with a facial deformity and mind of a child.
If you’ve ever seen the movie Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, there is a character called The Blaster. Blaster is completely covered in armor, so you don’t see the face that goes with the muscular body.
When Mad Max defeats Blaster in the arena, which pisses off Auntie Entity — played by icon Tina Turner, the mask falls off and Mad Max sees a smiling but distorted face with the eyes of an innocent child. That’s exactly how Talker’s brother presents — facial abnormality and all.
Talker is figuratively and literally her brother’s keeper, his caretaker, moved him in with her when she first moved here because his previous caretaker — their mother, passed away.
Though her brother would never want to hurt her, Talker is leery of him when he has a temper tantrum because, with his size and strength, she would be hurt.
On this particular morning, she said he didn’t want to take his meds, began slamming doors, got violent, so she fled the unit, called 911. EMTs arrived but were giving her a hard time because they didn’t want to take him.
Take him where, I don’t know, but she was also trying to reach his doctor because she said she’d been telling the doctor something was wrong with the medication causing him to be less and less manageable.
I commiserated with her having so much responsibility and that I knew all about doctors not listening, EMTs not wanting to take him because it seems that’s how it is in the world these days — no one cares, no one wants to do their job.
In fact, I just the other day sent my doctor a message saying essentially "Thanks for nothing", because I received no medical assistance when I had that rash. I included in the message all the information I’d gathered on that dermatologist the medical center has entered into a contract with — not responding to doctors' approvals to schedule patients, the negative reviews, no one answering the phone, yada yada yada.
But I digress.
Back to the Talker.
In the midst of the chaos, she said she’s diabetic, had just taken her medicine, it wasn’t safe to go back inside her unit, but she needed to eat something sweet. I had a few pieces of See’s candies I’d been keeping in the refrigerator in case of an emergency — the emergency on my part being when I just couldn’t take not having something sweet, whether it made me ill or not, so I gave her those.
"I only need one", said she.
"Take ‘em. You’ll be doing me a favor", said I.
When all was said and done, the EMTs talked her brother down, walked him out to the ambulance.
I’d assumed they taken him away but, if they did, they didn’t take him far because, I stopped for gas after this morning’s workout and heard someone call my name.
It was Talker and her brother pulling up to a pump.
"Everything okay?" asked I.
"I’m taking him to the doctor", said she.
I looked at brother, said — as if he had control over his behavior (but you never know), "You be nice to her because she’s a good sister".
I myself have an early morning appointment at the medical center tomorrow — get my second, last and final Shingles shot.
Next up is the annual flu shot.
Did you hear there’s a possibility of a 4th Covid shot next year, and we’ll have to pay for it?
That poor woman (and her brother). My developmentally disabled brother (with a temper) lived with my parents until he was 27. My father was dying of cancer and, after years of suggesting, I firmly insisted we get my brother placed in a residence where we knew he’d be cared for no matter what happened in the family. I lucked out through a connection and he moved the month before my father died. He changed, his life changed, and 35 years later, although I still do a lot for him, I never have to worry about what might happen if I go first.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking it would be better for the brother and less stressful for her if he were placed in a residence, but she probably doesn't have the funds for that. Plus, since she's carrying on for her mom, the family probably felt and feels he's better cared for by family than in the custody of strangers.
DeleteAlthough I help my brother out so he has some luxuries (like extended cable to watch all his sports) and I buy him clothes and other things because I can (within reason), he is a ward of the State (of NY). He lives in a residence managed by an organization called AHRC (Assoc. for the Help of Retarded Children... old name, so they go by AHRC). His social security goes directly to them. He’s given an allowance, food stamp card, a place to live, and a case worker. I always wanted him to have some kind of better life of his own. My major concern has always been, what if no one is left to care for him. I’m it. I’m older than he is. And although I hope I outlive him, I’m much more at ease knowing he’ll be taken care of. I’ve known too many families that loved their family member but didn’t plan for that and left trauma behind. And I don’t know why I’m telling it all to you! Anyway, I’m sure you understand.
DeleteMaybe you're telling me this because it's something Talker needs to think about ... what will happen to him if something happens to her. If an opportunity arises where I can appropriately ask that question, I'll slip it in that I know a friend who arranged for his brother to have a better life. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteObviously one of those things close to my heart. I always worried. And I’ve known too many sad stories. But it’s not easy to bring up with people, especially those you're not close with.
DeleteWHAT! You're not close with me? I thought we are best buds. (P.S. I almost deleted your last comment on accident. I swear it was on accident).
DeleteHee hee. I brought up with YOU. I just meant it might be difficult to bring it up with your neighbor.
DeleteMitchell I'm so glad you brought it up and shared your story. It is a tough call, we have numerous people with disabilities in the Family and in some States the Care is there outside of Family and in other States like ours its sadly lacking and difficult to qualify for. Arizona leaves it mostly up to Families and the few placements outside of Family are marginal in the level of Care, too much neglect and abuse happens to have a Peace about. I'm so encouraged to hear that your Brother's situation turned out so well. I have a Friend in Texas right now struggling with what to do with her developmentally disabled 65 year old Brother, she's Older and can no longer meet him at his point of need. Social Services is critical of her but offering no real solutions, but like you said, in the end, we can't be immortals and it's a scary thing to contemplate who will we pass the baton to if we go first or can't do it anymore?
DeleteI will say for leading a nice quite life...you never have a dull moments there.
ReplyDeleteWord! So many different people living here, so many life stories.
DeleteI have a friend in the same situation, whose developmentally disabled older brother (now 70 years old) lives with her and her wife after their parents passed away. I admire the significant sacrifices they have made to "put family first." But I also agree with the modern approach of encouraging and facilitating as much independent living as possible is best for all concerned. However, those weren't the times when the brother grew up and he was kept at home with his family as caretakers instead.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the situation as to why Talker's family chose to care for him themselves but, if it's been since he was young, which I think he was probably born the way he is, family not only did not think about what would happen as they died off, but what would happen when he became a grown man, unmanageable at times, able to do harm.
DeleteI agree with Mitchell, something needs to be in place for the long-term and ARC is a good resource. We have a huge organization here in Fresno as one of our prominent city fathers had a "retarded" child, decades ago, and got things in place to help children with disabilities. ARC here provides all kinds of care, mainly daycare and field trips, as well as job training. I would think Talker's medical personnel could help her with all of this. The brother may already have a social worker who can assist, but since they are overworked, may fall back and let the family do whatever is possible for as long as possible. As for COVID vaccination, I had heard from our medical people that it should come about the same time as flu vaccine, early October. I hope so. I would like to get it all taken care of at one time.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he has a social worker. If my memory serves me right, Talker once said she's working with him through some kind of child care provider network. She gets paid, he gets some kind of check. I've never been in this situation, thank God, but had I been, I would have done as Mitchell suggested. It's hard to let go sometimes, but one has to do what's best for all parties and look ahead long term.
DeleteMy dad just got his 4th COVID shot and his insurance covered it. I'll have to check with mine.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know the 4th was out already. I thought it was still in the thought stage of there might be another next year and we'd have to pay for it.
DeleteTough situation for the Talker and her brother. Thanks for providing the Blaster reference, now I have a good idea of what she's dealing with. When I worked at the nursing home, we had a resident like Talker's brother. He seemed happy, and he needed more care than probably Talker is capable. Hope things work out for them.
ReplyDeleteOh I feel for her having to take care of her brother. I didn't know there was going to be another Covid shot.
ReplyDeleteNo. 4 is coming sooner than I expected. Commenter Bob's dad has gotten his and I saw a woman on the news getting No. 4 just this morning.
DeleteA shame about Talker having trouble Managing the Brother, with The Man's TBI I have somewhat of a point of reference. With the Schizophrenic Grandson and his Mom having that disorder, it can be a disconnect behaviorally and mentally too... and you're right, nobody wants to get involved or help until an absolute crisis happens and by then too late, someone usually got hurt or killed. Anyway, glad she's perhaps getting his Meds assessed and he's got a good Caregiver Sister, people like him don't fare well with Strangers Caring for them, abuses and neglect often happen, which is why I wouldn't want any of my Family in the Care of someone I don't trust or know. My new Doc is better than the previous ones IMO, relief, it was a cluster fuck when my Insurances changed and neglect happened due to that, which soured me on who I was seeing and I refuse to see them now, even if the Insurance transition would be accepted now it's over with. As for The Rona shots, we can't even get The Daughter's 2nd one, let alone Boosters for her, nobody has Moderna around here anymore and that's what she got in Cali, so she may have to go back to Cali to get it? She doesn't want to mix them and Pfizer seems to be prevalent here. The Guys had Moderna in Washington State, so must be a West Coast preference of distribution? As for paying for it, why am I not surprised that eventually the Govt. would do that regardless of the fact even when Free people were reluctant to get it done, let alone now if they have to pay for it or can't afford it... well, we all know the likely outcome of that don't we?
ReplyDeleteMaybe the idea of eventually having to pay for the shots will motivate those who are still dragging their heels to get the shots BEFORE they're no longer free. I do remember, However, seeing a guy pay for his shot when I was getting Booster 2.
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