Too Late to Back Out Now

I’m not feeling good about next week’s Thanksgiving trip to meet the in-laws.

I didn’t have to worry so much last year about not showing up, when granddaughter said she and her new hubby were hosting a small event at their new home, because I had the excuse of the pandemic.

That Thanksgiving was eventually cancelled. The two decided against a get-together so soon into the Pandemic — when there was just masks for protection, no vaccine.

Since that time, granddaughter and her hubby — discovering they’d bought into a racist neighborhood, sold that house, purchased another and now are expecting their first child.

Again hosting at their new new home, granddaughter called to ask why I’d declined when her mom (Twin 1) asked if I was coming this year. Was it because the grandsons are not vaccinated?

Mostly yes, but actually, it was — like last year, a viable excuse for not showing up, but I said "Yes", that was the reason.

Granddaughter and her hubby made the decision it was important for me to be there, also to protect themselves, their unborn son, other guests, so they uninvited my unvaxxed grandsons. “Will you come now?”

What could I say but “okay”.

Since then, I’ve had a sense of doom and dread. Visions of my walking in, not liking what I see, turning around, getting back in the car and driving away.

My gut is acting up. I’ve been sick for no reason because I’ve been eating correct. In addition to which, I’ve been in pain, walking lopsided due to purchasing a new pillow that caused me to awaken the first morning having used it, to neck, shoulder and lower back pain.

My entire right side is frozen, hurts and no amount of Epson salt baths, pain ointments, workouts, has pulled my right side back into alignment, so I’m sort of walking lopsided, slanted, favoring the left side of my body.

It’s like the plan to attend Thanksgiving with granddaughter, her husband, see their home, meet the in-laws, has released the Plagues of Egypt upon me.

In the midst of this, granddaughter let me know that the youngest grandson will be in attendance because he IS vaccinated.

He’s not arrogant like his brothers, and I feel comfortable he’s not giving her the Aaron Rodgers spiel, because he works in a hospital, is constantly tested and wouldn’t have a job if he were not vaccinated. BUT … will his brothers use his attendance as an excuse to show up yet and still? Will granddaughter’s sensitive too sweet and caring nature cause her to go back to making excuses for her other brothers? Allow them to show up, if not inside, outside, somewhere nearby?

Maybe that’s why I’m getting visions of turning around, driving away.

And this morning, realizing how I’m not looking forward to the trip, but have already booked a hotel for myself and Twin 2, can’t back out without granddaughter being hurt, disappointed, which would anger her very protective husband, I thought to give myself something to do Thanksgiving morning that would make me look forward, pull me out of the Plagues of Egypt stage— register for the local Turkey Trot.

Would you believe, my registration would not go through. The process jammed at the payment stage.

Nothing is going right.

At any rate, after missing the wedding, no Thanksgiving last year, having not met the in-laws, this is something I need to do, must do, so I’m pushing through all that’s being thrown my way.

After all, sometimes the biggest blessing has come through my pushing through what I personally want to do and appearances that make it hard for me to get through. So, I’m doing this and we shall see.