Flashback

Getting ready to head out to the nail salon this morning, my attention was captured by a TV commercial.

A florist needing legal advice for her flower shop contacts her ex-ex-ex-boyfriend who went to law school.

He never called her back.

I burst out laughing – not because it was funny but because it is so real life. The commercial caused me to flashback to when I’d called an ex-ex-ex-lawyer boyfriend for legal advice.

When mom passed away in ’91, there was a brouhaha over the house she left behind.

Relatives came out of the woodwork to claim a share of ownership, complicated by the fact mom has deeded the property to so many – even relatives who had never lived in the home, never contributed to it’s purchase or maintenance, including me. It was Brother No. 3 who never broke away from mom, helped her finance the home, paid the bills.

No 3’s name should have been the only other name on the deed besides mom’s, but learning they were deeded a portion, others saw dollar signs and intended to collect.

I wanted nothing to do with the house, the mess mom left behind and, being intuitive, I could see the outcome of the infighting would be loss of the house altogether and a financial nightmare for all concerned. Which is how it ultimately ended.

In the interim ... What to do?

An ex-ex-ex-lawyer boyfriend came to mind.

I called his office, left a message with just my name, telephone number and, unlike the florist in the Legal Zoom commercial, my ex-ex-ex called me back immediately.

Not only did he return my call, he helped me remove myself from the impending financial quicksand, then invited me out for an evening -- a movie followed by dinner.

Can’t for the life of me remember what the movie was, but during the evening he kept displaying flashes of anger, bitterness, blaming me for how things ended some 18/20 years ago.

We were both to blame.

He'd begun talking long term, as in marriage. It was the 70’s. I was very happily divorced. I had my girls to raise, was enjoying my freedom and in no hurry to remarry. However, beginning to feel as serious about him, as he was about me, not liking the direction we were headed, I broke it off without taking his feelings into consideration.

He pronounced me cold, heartless, things got ugly coming from both sides. He hurt, tried to hurt me back. I hurt at his reaction, retaliated. We were young, stupid.

It took some time, but eventually our separate lives went on.

Fast-forward to 1991.

His willingness to help me, inviting me out, I saw as closure – we could be friends now. He evidently was thinking otherwise ... revenge, because we’d be having a pleasant conversation -- catching up on our lives, when all of a sudden, out of context would come “YOU did” this that the other in the past “YOU said” this that the other. At one point, we were watching the movie -- supposed to be quiet, but he couldn't hold it in and blurted out a "YOU told" so and so this that the other. I began to wonder if his goal for having invited me out was to do away with me.

It seemed to bother him that life had not punished me in a way he felt appropriate for having caused him hurt.  According to him, “You still look the same” but the acid on the tip of his tongue when he said it I read as disappointment that I wasn’t washed up and gnarly looking. And though his law practice was flourishing, he was looked up to and thought highly of in legal circles, had written a book or two, lived in a high-priced area he seemed to resent I was living in a nice upstairs loft apartment in the heart of an entertainment district, saying, “You have all this” with a question mark, like he couldn’t believe I’d not ended up homeless.

At any rate, after movie, dinner, his getting some resentment off his chest, I was deposited safely back at my apartment. However, in a way he did do away with me, because he stole my persona.

Learning that I was into line dancing, rodeo, and generally wore boots. He later sent me this photo.

He bought a horse, took to riding, wearing boots.

Later, I saw a newspaper article that indicated he was involved in line dancing, and was known as the Arab Lawyer who wore cowboy boots.

Though he never seemed to have gotten over being bitter at the breakup, I guess his modeling his life after mine meant something.

I hope all this flashbacking/thinking about him doesn’t conjure him up, after what now is something like an additional 25 years. You know how it is when someone you’ve not seen, heard or thought about in years suddenly crosses your mind and next thing you know you run into that person, hear from that person, or hear about that person.

I received closure back in ’91 when I called, he helped. The fact that he chose not to simultaneously accept it as closure, opting to remain bitter after so many years, is his missed opportunity, but being so bitter years later over a breakup can't be healthy.