I Can’t With These Gen Z'ers

It might be surprising for you readers to know that the strong independent person I am today used to be a weakling, a pushover, a self-sacrificing martyr.

A single parent, struggling to support my twins on my own, I nevertheless was never able to say NO to family, was always there for family — mom, my brothers, my sister. Often hurting myself emotionally and financially in the process.

What woke me up, set me on the road to becoming a recovering pushover was one day realizing that — when I myself needed help with simple things, such as a ride, help with moving, no one could or would be there for me. Mom’s excuse was tires on her car were bad. Sister and brothers would always say “sure”, but then not show up.

This realization that, although I was always there for others, but no one was there for me — especially when strangers/people I barely knew would step in when family said NO, hardened my heart.

I began disconnecting from mom, brothers, sister and saying NO.

Of course, that made me the wrong one in the family, but so be it.

Mom, all four brother and sister have all passed on. Family now consists of Twin 1, Twin 2, granddaughter, three grandsons (all in their early 20’s).

There have been trials, tribulations, heartbreak with this group as well — which is why I'm so happy living alone but, wouldn’t you know, I still have a problem saying NO — which, of course, a few years ago, brought me to the brink, emotionally speaking, not to mention the edge of complete financial ruin.

Through an enormous stroke of good fortune, I recovered financially and now enjoy a comfortable retirement. The peace of mind, I zealously guard, comes from limited contact with family.

I’d sometimes like to disappear to where family cannot find me, but it’s not in me to completely turn my back on them. So, when I’m called upon to fill the role of mom and grandma, I respond—but no longer to the point of sacrificing myself.

That Shirley no longer exists.

Consequently, living apart from family as I do, when middle grandson called in March, being as how it was the very first time he has ever called — and, as far as I knew, he didn’t even know where I live, let alone have my telephone number, I quickly deduced it wasn't about checking in on me. Instead, it was a money grab.

Not wanting to waste time beating around the bush, play that game with him, the conversation went like this.

“Hi, Grandma. I just called to see how you’re doing”.

“Who do you think you’re kidding. How much do you need?”

No mess, no fuss, I bailed him out of whatever financial difficulties he was having at that time.

But then, the jungle drums sent out a message, prompting his brothers to place their first call ever to me — for same.

Doing for one, without doing for the others, would not have been fair in my mind, so I bailed them all out in the same manner — “How much?”.

Fast forward these few three months and here comes middle grandson with a text — “Hey grandma, how are you”.

He has got to be kidding … so soon?

Has he no pride? And who does he think he’s fooling?

He doesn’t care how I’m doing.

The only ones who will miss me and think fondly on me, when I’m gone, are Twin 2 and granddaughter.

So, anyway, my reply was “I’m doing great, but no extra money. Your auntie (Twin 2) beat you to it”.

Although that was not a direct out and out NO — because I used having helped his auntie with the cost of a plumber, when the A/C in her condo went out, it translated to a NO and will encourage him, and his brothers, to begin being more self-reliant. To not, after tapping out their mom, not automatically assume they can turn to grandma.

I followed up my NO with a text — “You boys should think of joining the military. Careers instead of struggling out in the world”.

A struggle that, by the way, is caused by the boys Gen Z thing of having no sticktoitness. They’ve all three had great jobs but, with only themselves to care for, have no problem quitting because they’re “bored … tired of doing that line of work … didn’t like working conditions”.

Middle grandson’s reply, to my suggestion of joining a branch of the military, made me feel less guilty for saying NO and for sure I’ll play his own words back should he try me again. That reply being “Naw, the struggle will lead to greater things in due time”.

He’s absolutely correct and, if he and/or his brothers automatically turn to grandma, rather than work it out on their own in future, I can say “What!? And take the struggle away so you boys can learn, grow, get to the greater things”. LOL.

So that was my yesterday, which left me with a slight headache.

On another note, the description given me, when I asked around “Which resident is Jan?” was that it’s a woman, who walks on a walker, surrounded by two little pups on either side.

From my perch on the couch yesterday, I observed a woman, fitting that description, reach over and put something in the mulch.

When I headed out this morning for today’s workout, I veered in that direction and, sure enough, there was a new rock in that area.

A message from the Universe perhaps, that I passed a test (had at last learned my lesson), handled grandson correctly.