Me and MY Shadow

It’s bingo this afternoon, and I’m hesitant to head down. For one, because I don’t want to run into the Woman Who Wants Braids, because she’d probably still mad at me for forgetting to keep an eye on her walker after I said I would. For two, because The Baker wants to arrange a party on the 23rd, to celebrate The Seer’s birthday and I’m not feeling it, don’t want to be involved.

A lot has changed since last year, when we celebrated The Seer’s birthday. Namely, she’s undergone a personality transformation since hooking up with Shadow – and not in a good way. She’s pretty much distanced herself from us, and has been ugly, dark, defensive the few times she has been around. 

As for Shadow, I don’t know what’s ups that he too is walking around like he’s got a chip on his shoulder and no longer responds when spoken to.

I don’t have time for either one of them but, if a party is to be arranged, my thinking is the onus is on Shadow himself to do the arranging. After all, The Seer was the one who arranged his birthday party.

The Baker says she’s definitely going to make a cake.

Good for her, but I didn’t commit. Maybe there are others The Seer and Shadow haven’t alienated that will feel the impulse to make a party, but I myself am out and will be staying far away from the Community Room that day.

Speaking of shadows, I had one of my own when I went to Michael’s Craft Store in Redlands last week to pick up more floss.

It has happened in the past that, because of the color of my skin, I’ve been targeted and shadowed by clerks and uniformed security – like the last time I attended the Harvest Festival, but it’s rare because I’m so careful to dress appropriately and not carry or do anything that might be misconstrued. But I guess it looked suspicious that I was spending so much time picking out floss colors.

I was spending so much time because the needlepoint isle is located in the back of the store, in a somewhat darkened area, making it difficult to read the tiny little floss numbers, and I needed a lot of them.

At any rate, at one point I became aware this youngish guy, maybe mid 20’s, very cute, lean, cowboy looking, wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and boots, was zigzagging around the isle I was in, but didn't think much about it until after I'd gotten all the floss needed, exited the isle and went to browse the store -- for nothing in particular, just to browse, and locked eyes with him as he came out of nowhere and crisscrossed in front of me.

That's when I consciously became aware he was security and I was being shadowed. It must have dawned on him that I knew because he began looking nervous, made a point to look straight ahead, not at me, and began walking way too fast trying not to be obvious, which made him even more obvious.

Now embarrassed and too uncomfortable to browse, I headed to checkout and got outta there.

Once back at the complex two things came to mind. One, that I should probably always have the cellphone in my hand at the ready from now on, so I can record incidents like this. Two, that when he became nervous at being spotted as he crisscrossed in front of me, I should have said, “Sorry to disappoint you”. Meaning, sorry I didn't validate your pre-conceived notion that, because I'm Black, I must be a thief.

So, anyway, I'm probably going to play it safe today and stay safe in my unit, away from bingo, so I don't have to deal with whatever party planning undoubtedly will be taking place.