Smooth Operator

Returning from the Pain Cave yesterday, before heading upstairs to my unit, I looped around the path to pick up mail. Then, continuing the loop to get to my unit, I could see someone, off in the distance, sitting on the bench outside the farthest laundry room.

Inasmuch as I couldn’t see clearly who it was, I looked in another direction and pretended I didn’t notice the figure. But then the person, in an obvious attempt to get my attention, coughed.

I played along, looked over and, when the person waived, I waived back, by then pretty certain it was Handsome Man.

Since he'd gone to the trouble of, clearly, forcing a cough to be noticed, I walked over to chat him up.

It appears that, with the holidays coming, Handsome Man is either bored or lonely because he turned an otherwise innocuous conversation about this, that, the other, into trying to impress me with his resume — repeating a lot of what I already knew, having heard it from him before.

That he’s a Seventh Day Adventist, active in his church.

Has a side security business.

Is licensed to carry.

That he’s also a barber. Which, by the way, during this pandemic, he says he’s now cutting hair in people’s homes.

His resume is good … that is if I believe it.

I’m jaded, remember.

But with Handsome Man, I actually do believe what he’s been telling me for some time now. Problem is …. I'm not interested in his impressive resume, because I'm not hiring.

He’s nice. I like seeing him around ... you know, eye candy. I like talking to him. And I like that he, like my buddy Apache, looks out for me, but that’s all.

I'm way too old, too tired, too jaded, way too content with the status quo to throw a monkey wrench into my peaceful, quiet existence with anything else ... anyone else.

Handsome Man, however, appears to be a lot less tired or content, because he's on the prowl.

He interjected, a few times into the conversation,  “I’m a single man ... I've been single for three years ... a single man needs a good woman”.

No way, no how, with his good looks and impressive working man's resume do I believe he's been single for three years. Perhaps I heard it wrong and it's three months.

At any rate, I'm quite sure he can have his pick from the ladies at his church.

He can have his pick around here as well.

In fact, when he first moved in, my Next Door Neighbor gave it a shot. Had him over to dinner and was gleefully jumping around when telling me she’d gotten his telephone number.

I guess that didn’t go anywhere, because she’s never said anything about him since, and he’s never mentioned her to me.

So anyway, along with repeating multiple times in the conversation that “I’m a single man … a single man needs a good woman”, he kept complimenting me on how I take care of myself by working out, how good I was looking in my leopard print mask and leopard leggings. THEN, he worked into the conversation something to the effect that a good woman would be an aid, that they could share and life would be easier.

RUH ROH!

Easier for who ... easier how?, thought I.

Was he shopping that old theory that "Two can live as cheap as one"? 

If so, this one is doing fine by herself, so I said, “I don’t think so. If you get a woman (meaning me ... not that he would or could get this woman, but just so he knows who he's dealing with), she's going to expect the onus to be on you. No halfsies, no sharing, no help a brother out, but you going all in".

Does that make me sound like a gold-digger?

I don’t think so, because I'm not the one shopping my resume around.

I like my life just as it is. If some guy wants to disrupt my flow, take up my time, it should be made worth it to me ─ wine, dine, flowers. Especially when it’s someone I’m not particularly interested in as anything other than a friend.

Handsome Man smiled and said "understood".

I think he enjoys that I'm such a hard case. That I sometimes talk to him so harshly, so bluntly.

We chatted a little while longer about this, that, the other, Thanksgiving plans and our conversation ended with his saying he hoped to run into me again ... before Christmas he said. So we'll see if he "understood".

Smooth Operator? … Not so much.

Speaking of wanting to get involved in my life, a short while later, back in my unit, I logged on and deleted that friend request from Friend’s Sister. She and I had little contact in the beginning of the 40+ years I’ve known her sister, and she’s had no contact or interest in me since I last saw her, some 30+ years ago, so pffff.