Birthday Wars

Not wanting to play the Birthday Wars game is why I don’t talk about or celebrate my birthday.

Birthdays in the family were celebrated when I was coming up, but so rarely that I learned not to expect or want so as to not feel hurt.

Early in my working career, I found myself celebrating others but the others I worked with were more of the receiving/taking variety, than the giving, resulting in my dealing with the same hurt feelings I experienced as a child until I learned not to expect or want at that level as well.

As I advanced in my career, coworkers were of a higher caliber and birthdays became a popularity contest. Fortunately, my coworkers loved me. I was popular enough that they would take me out to lunch or bring in cake. I enjoyed it, was thankful but, based on past experiences, afraid to be hurt again, I never expected or even necessarily wanted and, at one point in starting a new job, I kept my birthday a secret and have carried that practice on to this day. However, around here, the game is definitely being played.

First was the birthday party The Seer arranged for Shadow back in April. The Seer went around asking us all to contribute, which we did, and the event turned out to be a big fun to-do.

Though it was a good time, I don’t have to worry about putting myself out and spending any money on him again, because the two of them have become so unfriendly and standoffish that should a party be planned next year, few will bother. I know I won’t.

Not wanting Apache to feel left out, when his birthday rolled around in May, everyone got together and made sure he felt appreciated.

At the time, that included The Seer and Shadow as well because they were all good friends. Shadow even baked the cake. But now that they’ve added Apache to the list of people they are unfriendly and standoffish with, I seriously doubt they’ll be another big to-do for Apache either. That is, unless The Baker or one of Apache’s other really good friends arrange something.

Not me. Apache and I are friends, yes, but Apache is very popular, has a lot of friends. They hang out in each other’s unit, go places together, and thus are much closer than I, so I don’t feel responsible for arranging the something, though I will of course attend and give him a nice gift.

This birthday game is so complicated. 

To further complicate the game is the fact that around here, the seniors go out of their way to let everyone know when they have a birthday coming up. Like a few weeks ago, one senior announced it by hanging birthday balloons to her balcony.

And just in case we didn’t see the balloons, I could hear her announcing it to anyone she saw out on the property. She caught me the day after, as I was heading to the Laundry Room, she to church … “Yesterday was my birthday” she yelled out. So, of course, I had to yell back, “Well, happy birthday”. Even days later, long after the balloons deflated and were gone, she could be heard saying, “Last Saturday was my birthday”.

And a few weeks ago, when I pretended I didn’t hear it, so I didn’t have to get involved when The Baker announced The Seer had a birthday coming up, Younger Sister saw fit to say her birthday was also coming up. The Baker planned to make a cake for both of them. I laid low, so though I’m sure there was a celebration, I didn’t go or hear how things went.

And yesterday, I get an email from Apache announcing that The Baker’s birthday is today, Wednesday the 5th.

The Baker is so sweet, so giving. She’s always doing for others, making sure everyone is celebrated (baking cakes, cupcakes) so there are no hurt feelings. She’s even asked me time and time again if there isn’t something she can make I can eat, give her a recipe even, so she can celebrate my birthday (Which she doesn't know the date, but thanks to Management posting residents who have birthdays during the month on the calendar, she know nows the month). And time and time again, I’ve assured her, no thanks, I don’t celebrate my birthday.

At any rate, the email went on to say that, since The Seer is not speaking to him, and since The Seer and The Baker are best friends, would I check with The Seer to see if she is planning to do anything for her best friend.

“Uh-Uh … No … Nope. I’m not touching that”, replied I.

“Why?”, asked he.

“Because she (The Seer) is scary now”.

And even though The Seer is indeed The Baker’s best friend, I assume she’s far too self-involved these days to be as good to The Baker as The Baker has been to her.

I didn’t say that to Apache though. I just said, I’d head to the flower shop this morning and pick up a plant for The Baker, so she’d not be completely hurt if there wasn’t a big to-do for her as well.

Following up with that plan, I was in the process of getting ready to head to the flower shop this morning, when I got another email from Apache.

“How about we surprise her at Bingo, tomorrow the 6th, with an ice cream bar?”

Since her birthday is today, she certainly will be surprised, but better late than never and I thought that a fabulous idea because quite a few residents show up for Bingo, so she'll have a crowd.

So that’s the plan. Apache is providing the ice cream, I the waffle cones and toppings for a belated birthday celebration.

Last I heard, there’s been nothing special going on for she who always makes sure others are recognized and today she’s “not feeling well”. A sign I recognize from my own past experiences, as feeling hurt and let down. She'll feel better after tomorrow and maybe learn a thing or two, as did I.