Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Forecast for Today


Miserable heat and I can’t comfort myself with ice cream or a nice cold soda, nor chilled melons. Not because I’m on a diet, but because these are some of the foods my digestive organs cannot process.
All I can do is drink ice cold water, take lots and lots of showers and sweat it out. I’d also better revisit my Go Bag, because this is our fire season.
Monthly Calendar indicates the seniors are having a Father’s Day Potluck at noon ─ sandwiches, chips, drinks provided by Activity Director. Seniors are to “bring your favorite dish”.
I’d try to rush back from working out in the Pain Cave to take photos for the residents’ facebook page, but it would probably be a waste of effort because there’s usually only two fathers in attendance.
So, no. I’ll show up for the next big event which, looking at the calendar, isn’t anytime soon.
Yesterday’s workout was moved to late afternoon, because Trainer was stuck in court still working on getting custody of his daughter.
I haven’t asked how it’s going because I don’t feel I should. Besides, I’ve got enough family members to tempt me to worry about their dramas. Don’t need to add anyone else to the list.
However, when he brings the matter up, I listen.
When it appears he’s using me as a sounding board and wants my 2 cents, I give it to him.
Last he spoke on this issue, he was going for full custody but, at last Thursday’s session, when he said we’d have to move yesterday’s time to later in the day, he said, “I’m trying to be fair to her mother. I don’t want to take my daughter completely away from her”.
“Whether you go for full custody or not, your daughter will still see her mom”, said I. “Besides, why be fair to someone who won’t protect your daughter?”
He nodded and had sort of a faraway look in his eyes, as though he’d was considering that statement.
Trainer is in the precarious position of having been told by daughter of what stepfather’s been doing in that home, for some time I might add, with mom refusing to believe, even going so far as to call her own daughter a liar ─ all of which has prompted Trainer seeking custody. The problem is daughter won’t let Trainer bring this up in the proceedings because daughter said she doesn’t want her mother to get in trouble, and Trainer doesn’t want to alienate daughter by going against daughter’s wishes.
This is a phenomena I can’t wrap my head around, even though I learned a few short years ago that a niece had experienced the same thing. Her mom did not protect or believe. Yet today, that niece is loyal and protective of her mom. Can’t do enough for her mom, treats her mom better than my girls treat me and will turn against anyone who criticizes her mom. Even closer to home is Twin 1. Though she’s on a giving and responsible road now, there were years and years and years when she was not (self centered, self involved, irresponsible, verbally abusive). During those years, it was up to myself and Twin 2 to see that her children didn’t become collateral damage.
Now that she's become a somewhat awakened individual, making amends, serving her community, being there for her now adult children, her kids are fiercely loyal to and protective of their mom to the point where they have at times been disrespectful to Twin 2 and myself because they felt their mom’s feelings were being hurt.
So, I understand Trainer’s reluctance to put his daughter’s mom on blast because, even though he’s trying to get daughter out of that situation, daughter will most surely turn on him if she feels his actions will harm her mom.
I understand it, have experienced it, but just don’t get it.

3 comments:

  1. It's not so uncommon of Children with Parents not up to the job to feel a responsibility to protect the Parent... almost like the roles have been reversed... where the Parent should have been the Protective one and yet failed to be. Being a Custodial Grandparent that had to raise two of my Grandchildren, due to our Daughter not being Well enough to and also having substance abuse issues... I have experienced it, that Devotion, despite a complicated relationship, the Children have with the Parent. I'm glad your Daughter had an Awakening... ours did as Well {getting clean and sober, tho' she will always have Serious Mental Illness and there is no Cure for that}... I am Thankful that we have been able to sustain some relationship and salvage it thruout the difficult years. I just Believe that the Bond between Parent and Child can be such an instinctively strong one for the Child especially, that even if the Parent(s) doesn't measure up, it's still there. And mebbe that's not such a bad thing really. But it is Mysterious and often hard to 'Get'... especially when a devout Parent might seem to receive less Devotion after having done an exemplary job. Not really 'fair', but then if Life were 'fair' Bras wouldn't come in sizes... winks.

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  2. Just a sad state of affairs. I'm afraid I might have gone postal and caused a big to-do if I were him. He might be right though. You can never be sure if your advice is right - even if you "know" it is. I guess this is why we hesitate to offer advice for fear of making things worse.

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  3. What a mess. I am so sorry.

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