I’d jokingly asked, “Why are you in a foul mood … Is it your time of the year?”
No particular reason, said she, “I’m just pissed off because people aren’t friendly around here. No one will talk to me.”
She doesn’t remember me from the day she’d fallen. In fact, she’d come into the Community Room the day after and recounted to those assembled, myself included, how she’d fallen, been put in a car, driven to the market, helped to make groceries, driven back to the complex and had her groceries put away.
Since then, I always stop to chat her up and ask how she’s doing when I see her out and about. So, even though she doesn’t remember me, she has said, “I like you. You’re very friendly. Not many are.”
Then, very late evening Wednesday, the next door neighbor knocked and asked, “Do you eat cake?”
Because I’m off sugar, I politely declined, went back to my television program and thought no more about it until Thursday evening, when I learned the neighbor had expressed to someone how unhappy she is, how depressed, demoralized and lonely. That she “can’t live like this” and, having just moved into her unit in January is looking to move someplace “More active” because “I need to be around younger people.”
That’s when it hit me … ‘Tis the season.
It really is that time of year when people tend to become depressed, demoralized, lonely -- especially the elderly.
Though she lives right next door, and though we don’t talk or interact all that much, she’d made her unhappiness clear early on. In fact, I’d blogged in March, “I’ll be very surprised if my new neighbor renews her lease next year.” (This is the woman from North Carolina who’d moved into the deceased neighbor’s unit.)
I feel sad for her and bad now that I realize the offer of cake was her reaching out for a sit down and conversation but, on the other hand, I have to say she’s not very interesting to talk to and is a bit of a downer.
She sat with me back in March at the Easter Celebration and got on my last nerve complaining about the need for better security here at the complex, because of people she’s observed in the area, that … we need to call the police and have them patrol … we need police to come in and give safety seminars … we need a community committee to discuss issues … I’m trying to find out who plays canasta around here … yada yada yada.
I’d let the neighbor know the issue of security had been brought up multiple times, management was not going to provide it, it wouldn’t be much help if they did, so it’s up to us to be observant and take responsibility for our own safety insofar as questionable people in the area and the coyotes.
Why did I mention coyotes because then it was “Coyotes!! Now you’re scaring me. Are their snakes?”
I found the new neighbor annoying, but was patient and dosed her with reality that this isn’t Beverly Hills so you can call the police today and, unless it’s an emergency, they might show up tomorrow … We do have safety seminars. I haven’t attended, but the police do come in so watch your calendar of events … Game Day is Friday at 10:00 if you want to check on the canasta thing … We already have a community committee. You have a lot to say so you should check the calendar of events and go to the meetings.
Of course, she never did -- 1) pay much attention to the calendar of events because, while now complaining about the lack of activities and wanting to be around younger more active people, she rarely attended events this year -- the casino once and a potluck twice. When I’d pass her on the stairs and say, you missed this event, that event, she’d say, “Oh, was that today?” and 2) she never attended community committee meetings to offer up ideas, get involved in resident sponsored activities, rarely checks into the Community Room, yet complains about the lack of activities.
I can understand the 94 year old feeling lonely and friendless, but the neighbor is only 70, has a car, family nearby, appears fit enough to exercise, walk, but is never seen doing so and, to my knowledge, has no hobbies.
Sorry if I sound insensitive, but she’s a boring dull human. Consequently, moving to where there’s a younger more active crowd isn’t going to solve anything because 1) young people are not going to enjoy her boring complaining company and 2) “No matter where you go, there you are.”
On tap today is needlepoint, still trying to catch up on recorded TV programs and driving the granddaughter to run an errand.
Sounds like the 70 year old neighbor doesn't quite know how to go about making friends. Instead of knocking on your door and asking if you eat cake, she should have knocked and said, "I just made a cake, way too much for me to eat, and I would love to share it with you. Would you like to come over for some cake and conversation. It gets kind of lonely around here." I bet you would have gone right over. I've learned, ask for what you want, don't couch it in terms others don't understand.
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