Oy Vey!!!!

So my life just became more complicated.

Long Beach Pride Festival begins Saturday, May 18, 11 am, continues through Sunday, after the Parade.

I’ve got my hotel booked and a lineup of cool t-shirts to wear.

A few weeks back, Twin 1 indicated she wanted to spend time with me, would arrange her schedule to stop by here ……… the senior complex; but when I told her I’d be in Long Beach for Pride, she said she’d join me in that adventure instead.

"Cool" said I, but now my cup runneth over because I’ve recently been invited to attend the Great Grandson’s 2nd Birthday Party, Saturday, May 18, 2 pm ……… same day as Pride, right smack dab in the middle of the time I’d planned to be on the Marina Green, attending the festival with Twin 1.

One would think that ordinarily this would not be a problem. The easy solution is for the two of us to leave the Festival just before 2 o’clock, head for the Birthday Party, return to the Festival after, but one would be wrong because one doesn’t understand the dynamics of my seriously dysfunctional family.

Twin 1 (the baby’s Glam-ma) was totally self-involved during the years she was to have parented her children, resulting in her now no longer having a relationship with any of her five adult children.

A few years ago, she reached the level of enlightenment where she realized how she emotionally hurt and damaged her children, whereupon there was apologizing, followed by spurts of forgiveness and reconciliation, but sometimes the trauma one has caused in the life of others goes so deep that it can’t be undone.

The clock ultimately could not be unwound — forgiveness and reconciliation did not last.

As things stand now, Twin 1’s children are going on with living their lives not wanting her in it. Carrying a boatload of guilt, not able to forgive her own self, Twin 1 has turned to clearing her conscious by doing for the homeless community (her street children) what she failed to do for her own.

As for me, I’ve been put through the ringer by nearly every damn family member there was and is. However, understanding that everything in life (good and bad) happens for a reason, I’ve managed to not internalize what I’ve experienced. I harbor no ill will, let everyone live their own lives the way they feel fit, respect how they choose to interact or not interact with each other, touch base now and then, but remain careful to protect myself, maintain an emotional distance, not get too attached.

So, I’m definitely going to the baby’s birthday party but I’m trying to figure out how I can leave Twin 1 at the Festival, head to the party without it being a hurtful reminder that she’s not allowed to see the grandbabies ………… Is not invited.

She’s frequently in tears as it is thinking about how she screwed up, can't undo and can’t be forgiven. She wouldn’t expect me not to go, and I wouldn’t not go anyway, but I’m fearing how her knowing there is even a party and she not being allowed to go is going to twist the knife in even more than it already is.

I’m thinking, I should probably just let her know now, in advance, this would be happening, so she has time to process, cry it out, has the option to bow out of spending time with me altogether if she can’t handle my leaving her alone at the Festival, or give her time to make arrangements for a third or fourth person to attend the festival with us so she’ll be supported through the hurt and can continue having fun once I take off for the party.

Oy Vey!!!! The whole situation makes my heart hurt, and is sending me to that See's candy I have stored in the fridge.

All in all, it's a tragic reminder of how we create our own reality or, like I've often put it, "You make your choices, you live with the choices you make".

BTW, White Grandma will also not be in attendance. In fact, she’s been so toxic, done so much backbiting, created so much stress and drama for the kids, that she’s earned herself an actual uninvite ……………… been specifically told it's the end of the line "We do not want you here".

However, it wouldn’t surprise me to see White Grandma waltz her arse in just the same.

In other news, barring any last minute scrambling, tomorrow is jury selection for No. 45’s hush money criminal trial.

Shame it’s not being televised. If it were, I’d not be working out tomorrow. I’d be glued to the tube just like I was during O.J.’s trial.

On the other hand, I’m not feeling good about this trial, not hopeful that it will finally lead to our being rid of him once and for all, but I will wear my lock him up t-shirt tomorrow for luck.

What a Week!

I’m beginning to think Catalyst’s comment on my last post "Eclipse, Schmeclipse, who cares anyway. It only means the Apocalypse is getting close" is right on, because so much has happened in the world this week.

Last weekend’s rain ………… third weekend in a row we had rain to deal with, plus rain expected this weekend, not to mention the up and down weather during the week of freezing cold one day, 90 degree heat the next, had me not feeling my best as I fought off an ear infection and sore throat.

Along with the up and down weather, there was the Eclipse, sentencing of the Goon Squad Cops that tortured two Black men in Mississippi, news that Paul Flores (purported unaliver of Kirsten Smart) had been knifed in prison for the second time and, lastly, ta ta so long to O.J. Simpson.

That was a lot for one week.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Goon Squad, it consists of six white Mississippi cops (Brett Morris McAlpin, 53; Christian Dedmon, 29; Jeffrey Middleton, 46; Hunter Elward, 31; and Daniel Opdyke, 28 and a former police officer from the city of Richland, Joshua Hartfield, 32).

A white neighbor took exception with mixing of races and reported seeing two Black men (Michael Corey Jenkins and Eddie Terrell Parker) living with a white woman.

Not illegal in this year of 2024 but hey, it’s Mississippi.

At any rate, the cops illegally entered the home, kicked, waterboarded, shouted racial slurs, assaulted Jenkins and Parker with stun guns and a sex toy, then Elward shot Jenkins in the mouth.

Their vicious acts were then covered up by planting drugs and having Jenkins and Parker arrested.

With McAlpin and Middleton threatening to kill the other officers if they spoke up, those false charges stood for months until pressure mounting from a Justice Department civil rights probe caused one of the six to break rank and spill the beans.

This week was the Day of Reconning for the six.

Jeffrey Middleton 46, Daniel Opdyke 28, Hunter Elward 31,
Brett McAlpin 53, Christian Dedmon 29, Joshua Hartfield 32

I’d have liked to have seen the neighbor that set this whole thing in motion charged for something ……… anything, but what I don’t get is why can’t people with this kind of bias hatred just stop?

You want to hurt someone because you don't like the color of their skin, you don't like them mixing with other races, you don't want them as your neighbor, you hate for whatever reason, and you act out on that hate. People are harmed, people are unalived but, inasmuch as 9 out of 10 times you are caught, called out, imprisoned, your own reputation gone, life in tatters, so what purpose did it serve to act out on your hatred?

It just boggles my mind that folks can’t live their own lives, leave others alone.

Also of note this week was the Eclipse (Partial in my neck of the woods).

After reading reports of those who experienced the Total, I’m jealous and wishing I were more the adventurous type as I could travel to Spain to view the projected 2027 Total.

In the meantime …..

My Kinda Eclipse with Guacamole

As for Paul Flores, second time in a row he's been knifed while under protective care, so I don’t think he’s going to survive much longer in prison. He should probably just tell what he did with Kirsten’s body.

Speaking of telling, the least noteworthy event this week, on my scale, was the passing of O.J. Simpson without clearing his conscious and confessing.

No surprise though that he was a liar to the end as he’d lied at reports of his health not being well, saying his health was good just before that was proved a lie by his demise.

He always reminded me of my abusive egomaniac ex. He too could never accept responsibility for his actions.

In fact, when the ex learned he had six-months to live, something in him, possibly conscious, prompted him to call, give me the news.

As if I cared.

But my humanity took over and I offered forgiveness, saying "I hold no ill will for anything".

His reply was to get pompous, arrogant, "I? I did nothing."

Okay, I thought to myself, You tell that to St. Peter at the gate that torturing, abusing women was nothing. Then, after he passed away, I guess reality hit because there were visitations ... many visitations with he begging for forgiveness.

By then, my heart had hardened. All I could think of was his saying "I? I did nothing", so I told him forgiveness had been offered, he'd gotten his usual arrogant self, now it was too late, so F off and go straight to hell. (Yes, I spoke to a dead person).

After a time he did. I'm assuming both the F'ing off and going to Haydes.

One interesting thing I ran across in reading comments about O.J. was that thousands of Ford Broncos (the car made famous by the 1994 slow speed police chase) were recalled the same day he passed away.

Though the recall had nothing to do with his death, but involved possible cracked fuel injectors that could cause a fire, comments were "They both ran out of gas".

Odd that the recall happened the day he passed away and, inasmuch as I don't believe in coincidences your guess as to its cosmic meaning is as good as mine.

Recap

I was so expecting a total eclipse (didn't learn until after the fact we were not in the path of a total) that I was tempted to call off yesterday morning’s workout, because I didn't want to be in the back of the studio, away from the windows, miss the eclipse.

Instead, I suited up and headed to the Cave with a plan.

The plan was to annoy Trainer by letting him know I'd be going rogue that morning ......  instead of following his routine of having me keep the heartrate up on the treadmill between sets, I’d instead run outside, check progress of the eclipse, run back in.

Arriving at the Pain Cave, I could see (with the protective glasses of course) that the eclipse was already at a partial stage. There was some mild protestations upon informing Trainer of my plan, with his doubting the importance of viewing the Eclipse until I guilted him by saying, "It’s a phenomenon. I won’t be around for the next one".

He got onboard after that, changed the routine to no strength training, just 15 minutes on the treadmill, then we went outside and had a watch party with the owner of the liquor store next door.

Seeing no progress beyond the partial by end of my session, I returned to the complex, again checked for movement towards a total eclipse, but noooo, still partial, and then a car pulled up.

Of course, it was Meat Man, stopping to say hey and ask about my take on the eclipse, as he was heading out of the complex.

Before driving away, he did the usual pursing of his lips, made kissing sounds, and waved the kisses towards me.

That used to amuse me. This time I actually shuddered.

Meat Man would never harm me or anyone. I don’t think he’s that guy. However, now knowing how sleazy he is, the gesture made my skin crawl.

This morning was the 15-minute and now once-a-month Walking Club.

Homegirl happened to be out walking, so I invited her to join Activity Director and I.

The pace was fast. I logged in 1,500 steps, 1.17 miles in the allotted 15 minutes.

Mouths were running as fast as the pace ... which is why I prefer walking alone, no talking, listening to music.

However, some interesting tea was spilled. Like, though I've seen Red Light preparing for the move ... bagging up, tossing out, in actuality Red Light won't be moving for another two months.

She has been approved for the new apartment, but paperwork is involved in getting her transferred from one County's program to another, and bureaucracies are slow moving.

Eyes on the Sky

Old Man Winter

There’s been no opportunities to walk for much needed extra cardio this week, because Old Man Winter is back. I’m beginning to suspect he never left.

It’s been cold. So cold that I may have to bubble wrap the bedroom window again.

It’s also been rainy. So rainy, with some thunder, that I thought I was going to have to swim to this morning’s workout, was tempted to call off the session.

Instead, I dressed warm, booted up, grabbed my umbrella, made it to the Pain Cave and back, but still ended up with sniffles and feeling a sore throat coming on.

BTW, if you thought my foo-foo fancy Scarlett O'Hara umbrella was something, take a look at the one I normally use and often pair up with matching gloves.

This weather gives me the munchies, so I’ll not be surprised if I gain a few pounds by the time this second Winter is over.

In addition to trying various versions of Fried Boiled Eggs, I set out one morning to make Moving with Mitchell’s Goddess Elena’s mother's torrija recipe but ended up making that too much sugar, too many calories Gluten Free Bread Pudding again. There’s also been snacking on popcorn, to which I’ve crushed and added roasted seaweed.

Trust me, it’s delicious.

Having been told adding nori to cooked rice is a flavor bomb, I’ve been meaning to try, but have yet to get around to it.

Looking at this month’s Activity Calendar, I’m seeing a theme — an Employment Class on the 9th… "Hard Skills vs Soft Skills, learn how personality traits and technical skills can be beneficial in the workplace", another on the 16th … Emotional Intelligence at Work, "Emotional intelligence plays an important role not only in well-being but also with success in the workplace", then a replay of Emotional Intelligence at work on the 23rd.

Seriously?

Talk about pitching to the wrong audience.

I’m also seeing another theme with a Practicing Forgiveness class on the 9th and Practicing Kindness on the 16th, both classes right after the employment sessions.

Strange selection of presentations ........ and are the forgiveness and kindness classes meant to address some kind of situation going on that I don't know about?

At any rate, Forgiveness and Kindness should start at the source …… with management. If you want residents to stop moving out, then forgive that $500 increase, take it back and show some kindness by not raising the rent hundreds of dollars ever again.

And that’s the tea.

Too Little Too Late

Inasmuch as Walking Club was on the calendar as every other Tuesday, I was expecting to get up early, meet Activity Director by the pool.

Thank goodness April’s Activity Calendar was posted to our door yesterday, and showed Walking Club moved to next Tuesday, to make room for Activity Director’s "Holiday Social: Easter Celebration" this morning.

A little late, don’t you think.

I did get my walk on this morning, but instead of heading out at 8:40, I putzed around in the kitchen, tried a new recipe for breakfast — Fried Boiled Eggs, didn’t drag myself out until 10:30.

Fried Boiled Eggs are new to me. Have you heard of them before?

The recipe popped up in my feeds and I just had to try it out.

Recipe Photo

The recipe said one can either fry them whole or in halves, so I started off frying whole.

But then decided to split in half.

I think I pretty much nailed it.

As for taste ……… it wasn’t much different than a regular boiled egg. However, I’m no connoisseur of taste, so one can’t judge by my tasteless tastebuds.

As I was finishing my 4th loop around the complex, I decided to pop into the Community Room to see how the Easter Celebration was going.

It was dead, just a handful of the usual suspects, bunched up at two little tables, while Activity Director set out not the usual Easter spread of small bites, but fast-food burgers and little cups of peaches for dessert.

Crucifixion food 2024.

I’d finished my walk and turned into the Community Room in the nick of time, because no sooner did I step inside when, through the window, I saw Meat Man coming up the walkway, walking from where I’d just been before I turned off.

Highly unusual to think he was out walking — especially on the side of the complex my route had taken me, so I can only guess he’d seen me, left his unit and began walking behind me, but I’d disappeared before he could catch up, or before I realized he was not far behind and would have been in the position of walking along with him.

That would have been awkward ……… not because I judge him for being a cock hound, but because I wouldn’t want to be associated with or get caught up in his stuff.

People make assumptions and though I usually don’t care what people think, I can’t trust Meat Man not to beef up his reputation by being seen out walking with me.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, men have used me in that manner before.

The earliest I recall was when I was barely out of school, had just begun working, arrived home and was greeted by two FBI agents.

They were looking for a guy who’d went AWOL from the Navy and had been told by others in the neighborhood that I’d know where he was because I was his girlfriend.

They showed me a photo of who they were looking for. I recognized him from school, but had no contact, didn’t know his name, never even spoken to him.

That was when I realized the little weasel had been lying to others, passing me off as his girlfriend.

I was working as a clerical at the police department when the Feds approached and, because of my job, they believed me saying, "If you knew, you’d tell us". Plus, if you looked at his picture and then looked at me, it was a stretch to think I’d have sunk so low as to have been his girlfriend.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only time a guy used me to beef up his reputation, and it's always been some weasly little insecure guy. Like the temp coworker at the law firm I'd left after receiving a better offer to follow my then boss to the new law firm.

I'd heard the coworker had married one of the legal secretaries at the old firm, and felt sorry for her because I knew him to be using her, an older lady, someone to lean on, someone to support his barely working self.

Running into the two of them at a party, she walked her then drunk arse over to where I was seated, got in my face and warned me that she'd fight me for "her man".

I had no idea what she was talking about, didn't react because I just took her for not being able to hold her liquor, that is until I later heard from another person that the temp coworker had been telling others we were an item.

As expected, the woman who married him ended up financially supporting him. She became so desperate to lessen the load he'd placed on her shoulders, that she contacted me at my new job, asked if I could find a job for him there.

I don't recall what I said but, clearly, I wanted nothing to do with him or her. They were so nothing to me that it wasn't even worth it to confront either of them about his lies and her believing them.

Over the years, I've learned how to sidestep guys that don't come at me correct, guys my gut tells me are out to use me in one way or another.

So, anyway, had Meat Man caught up with me, I’m afraid I would have had to hurt his feelings ……… tell him I can’t be seen walking with him and why.

While in the Community Room, I saw the rumor was true ……… that a TV had been installed.

We used to have a TV, but management decided they didn’t want to pay for the cable service, removed the TV, along with the free morning coffee, and anything else they could take from us.

So now they’ve brought a TV back in ………… Why ???????

I don’t know what’s up with that, but it’s too little too late. Nobody cares, and it’s probably basically only for show anyway, because it’s got strange wires hanging down, which I’m told is management somehow bypassing paying for cable, wiring the set to connect upstairs to Head Maintenance Guy’s apartment, run off his equipment.

After chatting up the usual suspects in the room, I headed back to my unit; but for some reason, I took the route out the front office, outside the complex, then through the front gate, rather than out the back door, down the walkway inside the complex.

It’s a good thing I did because, as I turned into my walkway, there at the end, sitting right smack dab on the bench in the middle of the grassy knoll, was Meat Man, where he could see in every direction there was to see.

Waiting to see if I was still walking and he yet could holla at me?????

If I'm beginning to sound paranoid, what with complaining about the market's Security Guards, changing my route around the complex last time I walked, to avoid a guy leaning on his patio, and now this, remember "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you".

Fortunately, Meat Man was looking in the direction opposite to where I was coming up the walkway, so I simultaneously tried to capture a photo for you as I creeped down the walkway, trying to make it to the stairs and disappear before he saw me.

I made it inside without his seeing me, but in my haste, hit the wrong button and missed capturing a photo.

Dinner tonight will be the remaining two boiled eggs, fried Indian Andhra Style — cooked in a spicy tomato masala and served over rice.