Mother’s Day

Hope your day was one of being appreciated.

I myself chose not to be “honored” this year. It was “no thanks” to breakfast, lunch, manicure/pedicure, because I just wasn’t feeling Mother’s Day.

Back in September, something was said to me that opened my eyes to how my life’s work has been so misunderstood, so unappreciated. I was very surprised at what the speaker had to say to me about me, especially since she herself had been no picnic to deal with. Yet I’d dealt with, supported, swallowed whatever hurt and pain had been visited upon me in her no picnic stages, and continued to pray for and support.

At the time the words were spoken, the individual was going through relationship and work drama. So, thinking her anger at others was being misplaced upon me, I let it go.

It wasn’t the first time I’d been snapped at, bombarded with hurtful words, including the time I blogged about being yelled at on her wedding day, and how it was that day, and other occasions, I felt constrained in her presence – like my mouth had been duct taped, my arms tied, and I had to be careful what I said, did, essentially walk on egg-shells.

Though she’d apologized about the wedding day beat down, I was hurt to being on the verge of tears all that day. Not wanting to spoil her wedding day, I held it all in and, planning to stay over, had instead loaded up the car to head straight back home after, so I could let it out and cry in the car.

I continued being loving, supportive ... still.

It’s that thing again about my being slow to burn.

Now craving nothing more than a drama-free life, I guess it’s time to cut that cord.

Looks like a lot of cord cutting going on right now.

At any rate, it took those September hurtful words rolling around in my head to cause me to remember how difficult she herself had been/can now be and realize, instead of being blamed, I should be getting a medal.

Spiritually speaking, I’ll continue to pray and uphold her – as I do for all family members and others. Humanly speaking, however, I’m done … done with swallowing, done with being misunderstood, done with being blamed … done with keeping my mouth shut … done with walking on eggshells … done with people, places, things, situations, circumstances which require I not be who I am, done.

I got up this morning, turned off my cell phone to avoid any “Happy Mother’s Day” calls, popped the in-home walking tape into the DVR – which was so fast paced that I only managed a mile, and spent the remainder of the day on that needlepoint project.

The Mother’s Day celebration here at the complex isn’t until Friday.

Why so late? I do not know.

I enjoy getting together with the folks, whatever the occasion, so I can ignore the theme; but I’m not sure I’ll be attending. Depends on 1) How I feel when I get up Friday morning and 2) Whether I’m stuck in the unit because the termites are swarming.

I didn’t sign up for a potluck dish so, if the termites are not swarming and I decide to go, I’ll have to pick something up on the fly from the deli.

Oh … though I'm not die hard superstitious, there’s a little thing about Friday being the 13^th. 

Still Got It

It’s been drizzling last few days, which gave me a break from termite duty. Those bad boys seem to only make an appearance when it’s sunny and hot outside. So, with what started off as a day of not having to be on termite watch, I headed out to put in the required miles for the Mother’s Day Hot Mama Jama Virtual 5K.

Finishing in 1:17:53 isn’t bad … I’ve still got it, but what I’ve still got is rusty.

After a month of sitting, all my joints felt stiff. I walked a little funny, with a slight limp because of hip and back pain during the entire walk. Once back at the complex, I ended up applying pain patches to the achy areas.

On the way back, I became worried about what I’d find, termite wise, because the sun was coming up. Thankfully nothing in the patio window, nothing in the bedroom window; however, it looked like life was giving me yet another “sign” in the bedroom.

A wall decoration had begun taking itself down, preparing itself for a move.

The struggle was real, and I was wobbly as I pushed through the joint stiffness/pain, climbed up on the bed and got the tapestry back-in-place with Command Strip.

Inasmuch as Nurse Ratched doesn’t seem to care about termites in the walls, though I, why should I care about holes. So, to ensure the tapestry stayed put this time, I pounded in a few nails.

Thinking back on that woman from Fair Housing/Mediation Board … the woman I spilled all the tea to yesterday -- Spilling the Tea meaning: telling all another person’s business, she obviously must have been here to interview a complaining resident; and, when she encountered me, her questions were “fishing” for information … getting a feel to validate whatever that resident had contacted her about.

I actually don’t expect much to come from the encounter. Maybe management will be forced to go to the expense of tenting the place – which will spare the next tenant of having to deal with the problem, maybe the outcome is I can get out of my lease without having to buy myself out. The only certainty is ... unable to lie because I’ve got emails, Nurse Ratched and Corporate will never again reply to email requests for service. There will be a new rule against emailing staff. Everything will have to be oral … in-person and telephone. That way, management can lie and residents can’t prove the lies.

My next 5K isn’t until July, and it’s in the same area as that senior complex I’m having looked into, some 75 miles away. There’s another new senior community a few miles away from that one, and an older complex in that same general vicinity. So, if I can get my joints to loosen up to where I can compete with a group, rather than do the 5K as a virtual, I’ll book myself into a hotel for a few days prior to the race and do some serious looking while in the neighborhood.

If not, I'll still sign up for the race, book a hotel and, in between looking into senior housing, find someplace to do the race as a virtual. 

The downstairs neighbor moved out yesterday, which means I now have no excuse for all-day sitting. I can pop a walking tape into the DVR and get back in good walking shape without disturbing anyone downstairs. 

Never a Dull Moment

It's lights out on that green cross across the street.

The business is closed, shut down, boarded up, as is the dispensary I pass on my way to Starbucks.

Both were raided yesterday -- the one across the street just moments after I took that photo of folks lined up outside.

Having returned to my unit for termite watch, I missed the whole thing; but a lot of the residents watched it go down from the Community Room.

The raid even made the newspaper … “Police and sheriff’s investigators served a warrant Thursday morning as part of an ongoing investigation involving an illegal marijuana dispensary ... several people were detained and transported to jail ... arrested on a variety of offenses, including operating a marijuana dispensary, which are illegal in the city.”

I thought it was a legal operation. Nurse Ratched told us at the Residents/Management meeting that, at prompting by residents, she’d checked, the police said it was legal and the business was in compliance.

Another one of her lies?

She probably never talked to the police.

I'm confused as to the legality/illegality, as it seems to me the business owners would not have gone to the expense of fixing up the property, even to adding that neon green sign, if they'd thought it was illegal.

The news article went on to say, “We received a lot of complaints … This has been a long-time investigation.”

No way was it a long-time investigation -- the business just opened up.

As for “a lot of complaints”, that would be our residents. LOL.

“Authorities seized about $7,000 in cash and marijuana, and there was also a marijuana farm inside the dispensary.”

Holy smokes! They were growing the stuff inside. How long did they think they’d get away with the stupidity?

“Several residents of a nearby apartment building cheered as officers and deputies took into custody several of the people inside the dispensary.”

Again ... that would be our residents. ROFLMAO!

“Most of those arrested and taken to county jail were college students.”

That would be the kids from the university down the street. Parents paying for their education aren’t going to be happy.

Also of note, and file this one under God Works in Mysterious Ways, just this morning I asked a relative to check out a senior complex I'm interested in 75 miles away. If it looks good to her and I'm not over the income limit and relocation keeps looking like the direction life is leading me, I'll drive down and view for myself. Now I'm not all that sure relocation is what life is telling me to do. It may be telling me to stay put and make a difference where I am because, reentering the complex after taking today's photo of the business across the street, I was asked by a well-dressed woman if I could let her in the gate.

Sure.

As we walked, she asked, "So how long have you lived here?"

"Four years, but looks like I'll be leaving."

"Why?"

"Well, I like my unit, but I've got a termite situation."

"How long?"

"Since mid-March."

Being a friendly open kind of person, I filled her in, even showed her photos and videos on my phone and spoke to her of Nurse Ratched and Corporate and all the lies and threats to seniors.

Now, keep in mind, I had no idea who this woman was. She could have been related to Nurse Ratched and my arse could now be grass.

My arse may indeed now be grass because, after spilling all the tea, she identified herself as representing an agency dealing with housing for seniors and a mediation board. 

She said, "You look like the kind of person that would have documentation."

"Emails and videos".

She smiled and asked me to report the issue to the Housing and Mediation Board. "Tell them exactly what you've told me."

I did.

I put together a timeline, photos and sent via email.

Nostalgic Already

I’m nowhere near gone, yet waking up early, looking at the view from the bedroom window, I felt a tinge of nostalgia. This unit really is in a great location. I’ll be hard pressed to find something that pleases me as much.

However, as a spiritual student, I must accept life is not about what we want but what life wants for us, and the signs read being led in a new direction.

Instead of first piddling around, followed by breakfast, bath, makeup, getting dressed for the day, I headed straight to bath, makeup, getting dressed so I could make it to the market and back before the termites began today’s attempt to swarm in.

Parked and getting out of the car in the market lot, I looked up at the surrounding mountains and was once again filled with nostalgia. Waxing philosophical, I began to think about all the residents who’ve indicated to me how unhappy they are living here, want desperately to move, but can’t afford it. Here I am fortunate enough to be able to afford it, not unhappy, not wanting to move, but being forced out by termites.

Speaking of being a spiritual student … signs … everything happens for a reason, it occurred to me yesterday that termites showing up when I was planning to be out-of-town on a three-day meditation retreat meant I was to cancel and stay put. So I did … cancel that is. I gauge when I've done the right thing/the wrong thing about how I feel after, and it felt like the right choice had been made.

Accepting that everything happens for a reason, we don’t always get to know the reason. We just do what we are given to do and walk by faith that there IS a reason … a plan.

Lo and behold, in the market this morning, I ran into the woman who’d stopped being my ten-year BFF about a year ago. Reason being I’d voiced how uncomfortable I’d been at witnessing her verbal abuse of another human being.

She disagreed with her actions being disturbing, saying to him something along the lines of his making/causing her to treat him thusly and, “I don’t like having to do this to you.”

To me, she tried to justify her mistreatment saying, “You don’t know what he’s put me through.”

Having been an abused spouse, I recognized both those statements to be 1) Standard excuses used by abusers and 2) Indicative of not accepting responsibility for one’s own actions.

My not validating her being justified marked the end of the friendship … she stopped speaking to me. Oddly enough, the end came as no surprise because, for two years previous, it had come to me in dreams and meditations that, though we both are spiritual students, she was going in a different direction. In fact, just before the friendship ended, I’d told her, “I feel you drifting away” – meaning drifting away from the spiritual path altogether.

At any rate, I wasn’t sad to see the friendship end, as she’d morphed into a bit of a drain spiritually speaking. While my focus is on listening, letting go, being led, her focus became about doing, controlling, achieving, acquiring.

There's nothing wrong with that path, it's just different from the path I walk, but hanging around a person on that road is like dragging a block of concrete.

So being cordial, greeting her in the market this morning, I learned she is still on a path to enlightenment, which I’m happy to know because one day she’ll wake up and realize verbal abuse and controlling behavior as not okay. What tells me of her continuing involvement in spiritual pursuits is she's registered for that same meditation retreat I just cancelled out of.

I felt like I’d dodged a bullet, because I get a lot more out of meditation sessions when surrounded by people walking at or near my same pace on the path -- those who are already awake, and high consciousness people who are ahead of us all and lift us further into enlightment, than I do when surrounded by people in the process of waking up.

So the fact the class was probably not going to go as high in consciousness as I need, this stage of life, is probably why cancellation came about, but I will order the session tapes.

Returning to the complex, I observed a line outside the dispensary across the street.

Residents have already investigated getting the place shut down, but were told by the police that it’s legal … it’s fenced … the business has met all the licensing requirements.

Everyone is lined up OUTSIDE the fence, but I don’t have a problem with the business. They’re not causing any more problems than we already have.

While I was snapping the above photo, the Seer walked up and we got into a conversation that ended with her repeating what another resident had said happened to them. That they’d tried to work with Nurse Ratched on a problem in their unit, had approached her respectfully, but the end result was the resident walking away declaring to others, “That woman lied. She’s a liar.”

ROFLMAO! That’s what I said in yesterday's post.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

So it will come as no surprise to long time readers well-acquainted with Nurse Ratched’s talking out of both sides of her mouth with that forked tongue of hers that, once again, termite control was a no show. Instead, Ratched herself made an appearance to “take pictures for termite control, because they need the information to determine which kind of chemicals to bring.”

To bring?

They’re supposed to be here already.

So that’s Lie No. 1 because her reply to my latest missive was …“I have an appointment for this Wednesday May 4th, with a pest control company who specializes in termites.”

Today is May 4.

Lie No. 2 was when, during her picture taking session, she blurted out that, in a phone call conversation with termite control, they’d indicated tenting, but “You’re the only one with this problem. No one else is having a problem.”

If that’s true, why then did she announce at last week’s Residents/Management meeting that there are five units with the problem. And, I don’t believe for one second, this is the only unit in the complex with this problem. Like I said before, I don’t know much about termites, but the idea of an infestation not spreading from unit to unit, building to building, doesn’t seem plausible to me. She just doesn’t want to go to the expense of tenting.

I even asked, “Did you check with my downstairs neighbor?”

I could tell it was Lie No. 3 when she nodded yes.

She didn’t realize it but, during her entire inspection, I surreptitiously recorded her every word on the cell phone … for my protection, later, when she tries to lie herself out of consequences. Plus, even though she’s a big old liar, it’s good she showed up because, with termite control once again being a no show, my next move was to reply to Corporate’s curt “Issues such as these do not need to be emailed to the corporate office. The Community Staff can handle any and all issues related to pest control”. My response was to be “That is the point I am making with emails to corporate …that Staff is NOT handling the issues and living conditions have become intolerable.”

At any rate, inasmuch as the termites have made of me a prisoner in the unit … unable to leave for more than an hour because I need to catch them coming in and spray them to death before they reach the bed, the couch, the walls, get too deep into the unit, looks like I’ll be cancelling that meditation retreat.

I don’t want to gross you out, but this is just a sampling of the ones I killed today.

The more I think about it, these termites may not only be life’s way of pushing me to open myself up to change, but is also telling me to not go to the expense of a retreat this year (hotel and class fees total a little over $1,000 ) when the money can be better served towards movers.

As I've indicated in previous posts, I am an individual who is slow to burn. It takes a lot and it takes a long time before I'm done, but once I'm done, I'm done.

First it was the theft of my favorite belt and now it's this termite situation, ongoing since April 17. So, at this point, a move is definite. Whether the move is sooner or later, depends on 1) If termite controls shows up and gets things under control so I can bide my time until the lease expires and 2) How soon I’m led to my new right place.

On another note, the monthly calendar came out yesterday.

·         Mothers Day Potluck, Friday, May 13

·         Monday, May 16, Bi-Annual Inspection All Units

·         Tuesday, May 17, Residents/Management Meeting

·         Friday, May 27, Arts & Crafts

They’re Ba-ack

The termites, that is.

They began swarming down from the patio window and, simultaneously, the bedroom window yesterday afternoon.

The products I’ve been using appear to have slowed them down, discouraged them for a time, but not completely quelled their nature to swarm, mate, search for a location to start a new colony.

With no regard for interfering with their love life/search for a new home, I foamed and sprayed ‘em to death and fired off another missive to Nurse Ratched and Corporate.

Corporate replied, “Issues such as these do not need to be emailed to the corporate office. The Community Staff can handle any and all issues related to pest control.”

I’m going to wait until I calm down before I reply, something along the line of “So whose responsibility is it when Staff does not handle the issues?”

I imagine no area is free of infestations of one kind or another and, because this area used to be horse farms, orange groves, and we’re in a valley, surrounded by hills, mountains and fields, we’re subject to more than our share.

Someone spotted a snake the other day – not the first time, and ants are a big problem for quite a few residents, including my next door neighbor.

I also recently learned an interesting fact … this area has ties to the Donner Party, the pioneers who were stuck in the mountains the winter of 1846-1847 and resorted to cannibalism to survive. One of the survivors ended up in this area, prospered and became one of its biggest landowners.

That’s got nothing to do with pests, I don’t think. Just an interesting fact I thought I’d mention, though there are rumors that some of the land in surrounding areas is cursed, bad things happen on the land, and ghostly apparitions have been spotted on some of the streets late at night.

If I had to choose between ghostly apparitions, living on cursed land, or termites, I think I’d take the apparitions because they’re outside, not inside, and I’m rarely ever out at night.

At any rate, Ratched’s reply to my latest missive was a quasi apology for the “pest control” guy not showing up last Wednesday, but that “I have an appointment for this Wednesday May 4th, with a pest control company who specializes in termites. My regular pest control guy does not treat for termites.”

Tell me something I don’t already know and hadn’t pointed out to her at least three times before, in the Residents'/Management meeting and subsequent emails – that her pest control guy did not treat the unit and cannot treat the unit because he is not equipped to handle termites … that a termite specialist needs to be called in.

So, I’ve scrapped plans to drive out-of-the area to mall walk tomorrow and instead will be once again waiting for this “pest control company who specializes in termites”.

If they don’t show up tomorrow, I’m taking it as a sign that, much as I like this unit, I should open myself to the idea of relocating, and my next missive to Nurse Ratched will be a request for information as to when my lease expires because, “due to the intolerable living conditions created by the termite infestation” I will not be renewing.