This last weekend was a roller coaster, having nothing to do with the two earthquakes we’d had Friday evening (3.4 centered 14 miles away in Redlands at 8:40 PM, and 3.4 centered three miles away in Muscoy at 11:32 PM).
The roller coaster had to do with my emotions, as this was my first Mother’s Day without Twin 1.
Twin 2, knowing the day would be difficult for me, sent not the usual text message, which I always appreciated and is how we roll, but instead had a box containing two dozen pink roses delivered to my door.
The struggle, in the hours leading up to yesterday were real, and I was afraid to step outside the unit to take the trash out, drive to the market, for fear neighbors or strangers would wish me Happy Mother’s Day, resulting in a public meltdown.
A meltdown happened anyway when the Talker sent me a Happy Mother’s Day text message.
Tone Deaf … Meaning well, but not thinking, thought I.
I started to just delete the text without responding, but instead replied with three crying emojis.
I'd like to think I did not mean to do that maliciously, to make her feel as bad about being tone deaf as I was feeling by what I was experiencing; but maybe I did intend to make her feel bad for being so stupid.
She took it well. Replied with uplifting words that left our friendship still in tack, but she’ll hopefully think twice in the future.
Make no mistake, I know I’m blessed to still have Twin 2, but I don't imagine Mother's Day will ever be completely happy again.
Later in the day, feeling I was all emotioned-out, I ventured outside to toss the trash, run by the market, where I received three/four more Happy Mother's Day greetings.
Strong Black woman that I am, I held it together until I made it back to the car before the damn broke.
Glad to have that day in my rear view, today looks to be another perfect walking weather opportunity, but I'm not ready to run into well-meaning neighbors, who haven't a clue as to the ins/out of my life, asking me, "How was your Mother's Day".
I'll do my walking on the indoor treadmill until the world moves on to something else.
Your post resonated with me. I lost my mother 3 years ago just before Mother's Day. It was such a hard day. Hugs to you. Sherry in Portland
ReplyDeleteSherry, the circle of life is incredibly cruel and, in our shared grief, consider yourself virtually hugged back.
DeleteI am beginning to loathe every single holiday.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. Probably why I love Halloween so much. It's the only holiday that doesn't bring up a painful memory.
DeleteHugs to you, Shirley.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Deb. Hugs received.
DeleteMy Mother passed away in 2007 and every Mother's Day someone inevitably brings up my Mom, not knowing, and all those memories come back.
ReplyDeleteEvery day is hard, but the next day is a little bit easier.
That was a lovely surprise from Twin 2.
💗💗💗
Yesterday caused today to feel just like those first few days all over again. I'm thinking Mother's Day should no longer be a national holiday, as it creates a difficult time for more than just myself.
DeleteMy father and BIL drowned on Thanksgiving Day over twenty years ago. Thanksgiving had always been my favorite holiday, so for many years it was a double whammy each Thanksgiving. Finally, it is now a memory of all the Thanksgivings my family had and how my Dad always complained about how his Turkey turned out. Now it's kind of like a sad hug to remember Dad and all the Thanksgivings and the family table through the years. I hope one day you can find a place where the memories of Twin 1 and Mother's Day can be enjoyed. You can't hurry grief, as you know.
ReplyDeleteSeems most holidays have some level of trauma attached to them. Living is hard.
DeleteI've been guilty of wishing someone a happy Mother's Day before stopping to think if it was appropriate.
ReplyDeleteIt's the polite and human thing to do. Who knew that it might impact some others in a not so pleasant way.
DeleteGrief has no schedule. Take good care of yourself and enjoy Twin 2's roses -- they're beautiful.
ReplyDeleteTaking care of myself is putting on weight. I'm eating a lot of sweets.
DeleteI’m sending you enormous hugs from Spain. Beautiful roses!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mitchell. You give good hugs.
DeleteShirley, please have a tight long hug from me
ReplyDeleteTight long hugs are the best, Thanks!
DeleteI knew this would be a difficult one for you my Friend and why I didn't drop in and say anything that would just be well intended, but, if what I am about to say isn't an improvement over Silence, I opt for the Silence. So lovely that Twin 2 sent those Beautiful Bouquets tho', knowing how Emotionally Raw and never the same, the Day will now always be for you. Big Hug from Arizona.
ReplyDeleteThe day was way more difficult than I had expected, but I survived. Thanks for the hug from Arizona.
Delete(virtual hugs).
ReplyDeleteThanks, Miss Merry. Hug received.
DeleteI suspect your right about Mother's Day. I'm glad you still have a thoughtful daughter who loves you, as do we. We can offer a hug and our ears. But if you need a houseboy or two......
ReplyDelete"Houseboy or Two" ... How generous! ....... and tempting, but Ernie would be crushed, LOL.
DeleteOh gosh, drats! Hugz from here with Oz and Toto. I find it a bit endearing that Twin 2 sent two bundles of flowers, kinda trying to do Twin 1's little task from Heaven. She meant well. Can you make a spot nearby, on your patio of some secret area of the grounds that's just your's to remember Twin 1? A lake spot, or ocean spot? (Send that Houseboy to Kansas!) Take care of you; that's okay to do, eh? Linda
ReplyDeleteYes, I immediately understood that Twin 2 was sending a dozen roses from her, a dozen from her sister. I can't handle a spot to remember. Don't want to remember. Have yet to accept it happened, and I do well if no one mentions it as real or Mother's Day brings it all back.
DeleteI hear you.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteThat was so sweet that she sent 2 dozen roses. I know it's hard and loss takes time, a lot of time to get through. I think grief doesn't go away it just gets less painful at times as time goes on.
ReplyDeleteIt was sweet, thoughtful.
Delete